It Happened At The Book Fest Anthology

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What do you get when you gather 11 authors to spin 11 different stories all taking place at the same event? A whole lot of weird and a whole lot of sexy.

Pre-Order is available: A Weird Thing Happened at the Book Fest & A Sexy Thing Happened at the Book Fest

Everyone involved has been working for the past couple of months on this project. This project is two books. One is full of weird: Time Travel, Science Fiction, Paranormal, Urban Fantasy, and comedy. One is full of Sexy: Romance, Paranormal, and Erotica.

Pick your poison, or better yet, enjoy both!

A Weird Thing Happened At The Book Fest

A Weird Thing…

A Weird Thing Happened At The Book Fest: Stories by Kimberley Montpetit, Tyber North, Belle Whittington, A.L. Kessler, Linda M. Au, and H.A. Lamb

Within these pages, readers will discover just how weird the Lake Morgan Book Fest can get.  Tales of time travel, science fiction, paranormal, speculative fiction, urban fantasy, comedy, and even a little romance awaits discovery!

Available for Pre-Order click here!

A Sexy Thing Happened At The Book Fest

A Sexy Thing…

A Sexy Thing Happened At The Book Fest: Stories by Alexia Purdy, Dicey Grenor, Mia Bishop, Lizzy Pope, and J.L. McCoy

Within these pages, readers will discover just how sexy things can get at the Lake Morgan Book Fest.  Tales of romance, paranormal, and erotica awaits discovery!

This volume is for more mature audiences.

Available for Pre-Order click here!

It Happened At The Book Fest

New Release: Eyes Wide Open by Lucy Felthouse

Out Now! – Eyes Wide Open by Lucy Felthouse #erotica #romance #bdsm #menage #mmf

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Blurb:

Eyes Wide Open by Lucy Felthouse

Eyes Wide Open by Lucy Felthouse

A standalone novel from the Totally Five Star imprint.

An ordinary girl catapulted into an extraordinary world meets two even more extraordinary men—but what will she do when she discovers their sexy secret?

Fiona Gillespie moved to London shortly after graduating to take advantage of the opportunities the capital could offer. However, months later, she’s still living in a horrid flat and working in a grimy East End pub. The problem is, she doesn’t really know what she wants to do, career-wise. So when she happens upon an advertisement for a job at a plush Mayfair hotel, she jumps at the chance. A great deal of determination and a spot of luck land Fiona her dream role.

But working at the Totally Five Star London is just the beginning. She adores the role and flourishes, impressing her bosses and making her increasingly determined to climb the career ladder.

While her career is flying, though, her love life is non-existent. She hasn’t even thought about men, never mind met or dated one for months, so when she bumps into two gorgeous businessmen in the hotel, she’s surprised to find her head has been well and truly turned. Even more surprisingly, they flirt with her—both of them! She’s drawn to James and Logan, despite feeling that they’re way out of her league.

When a misunderstanding leads Fiona to James and Logan’s sumptuous top-floor suite, she has no idea what she’s about to uncover. Scenes of people-trafficking, drug-pushing and wild sex parties all appear in her active imagination. Yet what she actually sees is something she’d never even considered before, something that piques her interest.

After discovering their sexy secret, what will she do with this new-found knowledge?

Reader Advisory: This book contains scenes of anal play, spanking, sex toys and bondage.

Buy links: http://lucyfelthouse.co.uk/published-works/eyes-wide-open-totally-five-star-london/

Add to Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/26080607-eyes-wide-open

Book trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ld7t_6fL46w

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Excerpt:

Continuing to surreptitiously peer at the men over the rim of her glass, it hit her that this was the first time in months that she’d looked at a man with interest, much less two men—and at the same time! But, ready to snatch her gaze away if one of them happened to glance at her, she realized that it wasn’t surprising that the pair had attracted her attention.

The tailored business suits would draw the eye even on an ugly guy. But on these two, the fine clothing was practically an orgasm for the gaze. They sat opposite each other, and their angle to her meant that she had a view of both their profiles—lucky her.

The one to her right had very dark, almost black hair, with a bit of a curl to it, a long straight nose, a trimmed goatee and, if she wasn’t mistaken, deep blue eyes. It was hard to tell for sure from this distance and perspective.

The one on her left had lighter, shorter hair, stubble that by some magical feat still looked smart, and the most sinful lips she’d ever set eyes on. And speaking of eyes, she thought perhaps his were green. What she wouldn’t give to go and check both of them out close up, preferably naked.

Shocked at her own sudden lustful thoughts, she inhaled more than drank another sip of the juice. Unfortunately, it hit her throat all wrong and she almost slammed the glass down as she started to cough. She tried so hard to suppress the cough, eager not to draw attention to herself, that she made it worse. Snatching up the thick linen serviette from the table, she held it to her mouth as she spluttered in a most embarrassing manner, and tears began to roll down her cheeks. By now, she was sure that the whole damn restaurant was staring at her, and she wished the tablecloths reached the floor, like the ones in the restaurant upstairs, so she could hide under the table until she regained her composure.

Swallowing repeatedly to try to soothe her irritated throat, she gasped as a gentle hand laid on her shoulder, which set her off all over again.

“Oh God,” came a voice. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you jump. I just wanted to make sure you were all right. See if I could help.”

Unable to speak, Fiona waved a hand to try to signal that she’d be okay, but unless the guy was a mind reader, he’d have no luck figuring that out. Blinking through the tears that marred her vision, her urge to hide underneath the table grew stronger. Christ, it was only the hottie with the blue eyes. And, if she wasn’t mistaken, his sexy friend with the green eyes was also hovering close by, concern etched into his handsome features.

Managing to drag in a breath, she huffed out, “Thank you.”

Just then, Jeremy arrived with a carafe of water, complete with ice, and poured her a glassful. “Here you go, Fiona. Drink this. Are you all right? Anything else I can get you?”

 

Author Bio:

Lucy Felthouse is a very busy woman! She writes erotica and erotic romance in a variety of subgenres and pairings, and has over 100 publications to her name, with many more in the pipeline. These include several editions of Best Bondage Erotica, Best Women’s Erotica 2013 and Best Erotic Romance 2014. Another string to her bow is editing, and she has edited and co-edited a number of anthologies, and also edits for a small publishing house. She owns Erotica For All, is book editor for Cliterati, and is one eighth of The Brit Babes. Find out more at http://www.lucyfelthouse.co.uk. Join her on Facebook and Twitter, and subscribe to her newsletter at: http://eepurl.com/gMQb9

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Sale: VIP Room Service by Zenobia Renquist

VIP Room Service (Other Related Duties #1) by Zenobia Renquist

A hotel erotica tale hot enough to set the screen on fire.

She offers satisfaction above and beyond what is requested.

VIP Room Service- Zenobia Renquist

VIP Room Service- Zenobia Renquist

 

Lexie’s job as a maid at a five-star hotel doesn’t normally include the unique and risqué form of room service that rich guest Mr. Malena has requested, nor the generous tip he’s offered. Submission and exhibition and a ménage. Lexie can’t resist. What should have been a one-time thing turns into an introduction into the sensual world of customer satisfaction. This is one workplace encounter that could get her fired…or will it?

NOTE: Title previously published as Wine Service (Professional Courtesy 1).

Genre: Contemporary BDSM Erotica, MFM, Exhibitionism/Voyeurism

Publisher: DZRB Books

Length: Novella – 37K (approx. 83 pages)

ISBN: 9781634750004 (ASIN B00V8RE64K)

Price: $2.99 99¢ – On Sale! (Ends 26 Sep 2015)

** Buy Links **

All Romance eBooks

https://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-viproomserviceotherrelatedduties1-1768225-354.html

Google

https://play.google.com/store/books/details/Zenobia_Renquist_VIP_Room_Service?id=yPyhBwAAQBAJ

iBooks

https://itunes.apple.com/book/vip-room-service/id980481147

Kindle

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00V8RE64K/

Kobo

https://store.kobobooks.com/en-US/ebook/vip-room-service

Nook

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/books/1121647282?ean=2940151231589

Smashwords (use coupon code FH44L at checkout to receive sale price)

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/530798

** Read an Excerpt **

Lexie backed up a step.

“Now, now. Don’t be frightened. Nothing untoward. I promise.”

She snorted. “What exactly is your definition of untoward? I just rode a bottle for your wanking pleasure.”

“That’s all part of wine service. As is what comes next.”

“Next?”

“I didn’t bring it up last night because of how skittish you were, but there is more to it than stuffing that beautiful pussy of yours with a five-hundred-dollar bottle of Chardonnay.”

“Five hun—” She choked on the word. She’d been riding a bottle of Chardonnay that cost five hundred dollars. True, she knew nothing about wines or why one cost more than another—beyond age—but hadn’t known a single bottle could cost five hundred dollars.

“Yes. In honor of you and your first night. I thought it appropriate a five-hundred-dollar woman should ride a five-hundred-dollar bottle.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “Does it get you hot to think about it?”

“You’re insane.” She laughed. “You’re also joking.”

“I’m not. Call Franceska if you don’t believe me.” He gestured to the phone.

She looked at the bottle and then at him. “Five hundred dollars?”

“Yes.”

“Wow.” She’d never had anything that pricey between her legs. Her most expensive toy had barely broken the two hundred mark, and here she’d used a five-hundred-dollar bottle of Chardonnay to get off. “So what else is there? Sex, right?”

“If you want, but not what I had in mind right this instance.” He chuckled. “I’m not as spry as I used to be. I need a little more time to regain my stamina.”

“You look plenty spry to me.” She eyed his semi-erect dick. It hadn’t gone limp after he came. A few well-placed licks would probably have it hard again in an instant.

“Bless you, dear girl. You are good for my ego.” He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed the back. “Now then. After riding the bottle comes drinking the wine.”

“I’m on the clock.”

“Not you. Me. And a little shouldn’t hurt your performance.” He gazed into her eyes. “Unless you’re a lightweight.”

“No, but I don’t want someone to smell alcohol on my breath either.”

“True. True. But you won’t be drinking.”

“So why do you need me?”

He kissed her hand again and ran his tongue up to her wrist. “You’re my glass.”

Want more? Read the full first chapter online at DRB1stChp Blog:

http://drb1stchp.com/2015/03/vip-room-service-by-zenobia-renquist/

** Buy Links **

All Romance eBooks

https://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-viproomserviceotherrelatedduties1-1768225-354.html

Google

https://play.google.com/store/books/details/Zenobia_Renquist_VIP_Room_Service?id=yPyhBwAAQBAJ

iBooks

https://itunes.apple.com/book/vip-room-service/id980481147

Kindle

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00V8RE64K/

Kobo

https://store.kobobooks.com/en-US/ebook/vip-room-service

Nook

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/books/1121647282?ean=2940151231589

Smashwords (use coupon code FH44L at checkout to receive sale price)

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/530798

 

** Bio **

Zenobia Renquist is the alter-ego of D. Renee Bagby. Call her Zen or Renee, she answers to both. Air Force brat turned Air Force wife, she was born in Europe, has lived in Japan and in several states of the US, including Virginia, Florida, North Carolina, Texas, California, Maryland and Hawaii.

She moved a lot in her younger years and remembers all too well being the new kid in fish-out-of-water situations. But those experiences only made her better able to adapt, as well they gave her a love of travel, preferring road trips over flying.

Turning her favorite pastime into her career, Renee loves to build worlds and torture her characters for the enjoyment of her readers. She can’t fill everyday with writing alone, and also enjoys watching anime, reading manga, crocheting, knitting (yarn and mail), and binging shows on Netflix. She’s a Whovian (David Tennant for the win!), a trekkie (DS9 because Odo rocked), and a fan of pretty much every Marvel live action movie and DCU animated movie.

She has a wacky imagination and tends to write all over the place. In order to keep up, she only asks one thing—Leave Your Reality Behind to Discover Different and Unique Romance & Erotica.

Visit her website: http://zenobiarenquist.com

Follow her on Twitter: https://twitter.com/ZenobiaRenquist

Like her Facebook Fan Page: http://www.facebook.com/Author.DRBagby.ZRenquist

Like her Amazon Author Page: http://www.amazon.com/Zenobia-Renquist/e/B002BWYVW8/

Review her on Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/zenobiarenquist

Get her Authorgraph: http://www.authorgraph.com/authors/ZenobiaRenquist

Sign up for her Newsletter: https://signup.ymlp.com/signup.js?id=geusujygmguu

July 2015: New Releases

July New Releases (2015)

AUTHOR TITLE DATE FORMAT GENRE/RATING LINKS
Bella Forrest A Shade of Vampire 15: A Fall of Secrets July 4, 2015 Novel PNR PRE-ORDER
Lorelei James Caged July 14, 2015 Novel Romance PRE-ORDER
Jan Springer Jaxie’s Menage July 18, 2015 Novel Erotic Romance PRE-ORDER
Helen Cooper
J.S. Cooper
Four Week Fiancé July 23, 2015 Novel NA Romance PRE-ORDER
Cherise Sinclair Servicing the Target July 28, 2015 Novel BDSM Erotica PRE-ORDER

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June 2015: New Releases

June New Releases (2015)

(I’ve included Ancient Ties by Jane Leopold Quinn because it was released later in May and wasn’t listed last month)

AUTHOR TITLE DATE FORMAT GENRE/RATING LINKS
Jane Leopold Quinn Ancient Ties OUT NOW Novel Erotic BUY HERE
Nancy Corrigan Mist Revealed OUT NOW Novel Paranormal BUY HERE
A.L. Kessler No More Black Magic June 16, 2015 Novel Paranormal BUY HERE
Leigh Michaels
Aileen Harkwood
Eve Devon
Raine English
Tamara Ferguson
Lynda Haviland
Jody A. Kessler
Jane Lark
Bess McBride
L.L. Muir
Jennifer Gilby Roberts
Jan Romes
Heather Thurmeier
Elsa Winckler
Sarah Wynde
Magical Weddings June 16, 2015 Anthology Romance BUY HERE

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New Release: Ancient Ties by Jane Leopold Quinn

Ancient Ties by Jane Leopold Quinn

Ancient Ties by Jane Leopold Quinn

 

Title: Ancient Ties

Author: Jane Leopold Quinn

Genre: Erotic Time Travel (to 2nd Century Roman Britain)

Release Date: May 28, 2015

 

Available for Pre-Order now!

Synopsis:

Nursing a broken heart, Janney Forrester flies to England for a much needed vacation. She gets one—and much more. A drive through the countryside and the sight of a mysterious heavy gold bracelet found nestled against ruined walls draw her across the crumbling stone threshold of an ancient villa where she beholds a Roman room in perfect historical detail. To add to the unreality, there’s the most gorgeous, masculine man she’s ever seen, her every sensual fantasy personified. Confusion by what’s happening to her vies with attraction when Janney is thrust two thousand years into the past.

Roman soldier Marek Benin Verus considers the woman suddenly appearing before him as a gift from the gods. Zeus knows he needs one! Battle fatigued and emotionally scarred after fifteen years in the army, he’s on a leave of absence and has all the time in the world to devote to seducing this beautiful woman into his bed. He doesn’t plan on the powerful and dangerous emotions she inspires in him.

Marek’s hard, muscular body is too luscious to resist. Janney decides to risk the comfort of her safe life and carpe diem—seize the day. Marek seizes her body and takes her to the edge—and over—to an ecstasy she never knew existed. Can a new world for her, timeless desire, and a loving exploration of each other’s bodies forge a passion that survives centuries of separation?

May 28, 2015

Pre-Order available on Amazon <Click here>!

Welcome To My Circus, Here Are My Monkeys

Full disclosure: I sat on this post for over a week. I swayed back and forth on whether to post it or not. Do I want to get involved in this fight? No. But do I need to speak up? Yes. Because this shit affects my career and I am down right pissed that all of this has the possibility to tarnish my name just by being associated with EC. This was supposed to be my livelihood, my dream career, my new beginning and now thanks to the people in charge being unable to just let one fucking blog post run it’s course the authors (yes, all of us, even small fries like me) are suffering. Their wallets will get fatter (one way or another), mine will see a big fat zero. Can I sleep at night if I don’t at least voice my opinion, even if my opinion is meaningless? No I cannot. And so I’ve decided to post it.

In case you weren’t aware, I am an Ellora’s Cave author. Yes, I said the three dirtiest words in the literary world right now. Everyone, at this point, has heard that Ellora’s Cave filed suit against the blog Dear Author for defamation and continues to make posts and comments about it which ensures that this never leaves the headlines. So since it should all be common knowledge I’m not going to get into all of it here. If you are unaware of what has been going on you can check out these blog posts that will point you in the right direction.

Los Angeles Times

Jezebel

The lawsuit is the elephant in the room, the big pink one at the circus that, I think, no one who is an EC author really wants to talk publicly about. So I will keep this post about my opinion and my opinion only.

If the powers that be would have just left it alone that blog post by DA would have been swept under the rug the next time an author behaved badly or someone went on a Twitter rampage, which would have only taken a week or two. Instead the people in charge of Ellora’s Cave made a mountain out of a molehill as I see it and now this shit storm just keep snowballing out of control. Every day someone involved in this suit has something to say on social media, or their blog, or in the comments section of someone’s post and it just makes it that much more of a big deal. If I were the lawyer my first words would have been “Shut the fuck up!”

Do I think that EC should have sued DA for a blog post? This is my personal opinion only and my answer is NO. I think that suing bloggers for exercising their freedom of speech is a huge slap to the fundamentals of our constitution and causes a ripple effect of silencing anyone who might have a differing opinion than EC (or any publisher in the future). I do not think anything in the DA post constitutes as defamation, I think it was a blogger who fact checked and had sources writing an opinion piece about the state of affairs of a company, the same as other bloggers do about sports teams, investments, TV shows, Actors portfolios, etc. As I write this I am having a slight panic attack thinking that this will be posted in a public forum and what if someone decides to sue me for my opinion? It’s crazy, we shouldn’t be afraid to express ourselves, address our fears, and participate in public debates/discussions/and protests. These are our rights and this lawsuit will have a negative fallout one way or another. Just by filing it EC has created this atmosphere of “us against them” and all sides are riled up.

The hashtag #NotChilled has sprung up by authors and bloggers who, regardless of this lawsuit, aren’t afraid to speak out. I think everyone at this point sees this lawsuit as a way of scaring authors/bloggers into silence. And to some degree it’s working. I don’t even have a huge grievance and I had to think long and hard about this. My complaint is how this is being played out in public. I worked for a lawyer and never have I seen two sides in a lawsuit (one side in particular) talk so much about said suit in public. That is Lawyering 101 people, keep your mouth shut before you say something that might lose your case for you.

So who wins? No one. Who loses? The authors.

We bleed these stories. They might just be corny “smut” books to the outside world, but they are our children, we birthed them from the deepest parts of our souls. That might sound over dramatic, but it’s true, if you are an artist then you understand. Every character has walked a million miles in our minds. Their pain is our pain. We cry, laugh, and gasp as we are writing these books. And as authors we can, and do, become emotionally attached to our work. Because unlike most professions, people reading our work are opening a window to our very raw, very exposed soul and taking a peek.

What I am trying to say is that my book for EC is my work. It is my blood, sweat, and tears. It is made up of my stress, fear, love, and excitement. This was my first (and to date, only) traditionally published work. And I’m proud of it.

Twisted Revenge is my work and if I am proud of my work I should not have to be ashamed to tell people that. But as with most boilerplate issues public opinion doesn’t always sway that way. Some people think that no one should promo their EC books, some readers are proclaiming that they will never by another EC title. Which I understand. I think readers and authors should go with their gut on this topic. Do what you feel is right. Or if you are so inclined, listen to each author and see what it is they personally would like their fans to do.

Some EC authors only have EC as their income and this lawsuit is hurting them. Other authors do publish with other companies or self-publish, but this still hurts them as well. These are authors who haven’t done anything wrong — some of them are just waiting for a check. They just want to be able to pay the electric or keep the gas on. I’m sure that if given the chance none of them would have voted for this lawsuit/mudslinging extravaganza to happen. Most of us just want it to go away.

“But Mia, what about the fact that part of that money will go to EC?” Meh, really what can I say to answer that? Honestly, some portion of all money spent goes to some “all powerful corporation”. My self published books have a portion that goes straight to Amazon even though they tweak their algorithm to purposely leave my titles and others in my genre out of the search results, but no one is going to stop purchasing books from Amazon (I know because my smashwords account has sat at a big fat goose egg for months while I’m still making sales on Amazon). And bottom line is that at least the authors still see some of that money assuming they are receiving their checks.

And on that topic (of getting paid), I have no personal knowledge of what is going on but I will say this, I believe the authors/editors/artists who say they haven’t been paid. Because I’m allowed to form my own beliefs/opinions and I don’t have to justify them to anyone, nor does anyone have to listen to me. I’m not going into the ins and outs of it all, but I do believe them and I feel for them. Have I been paid? Yes, but you also have to keep in mind that my royalties are minimal. Like, seriously. My royalties pay for a meal (and not for my family, just for me) some months I can go to Denny’s other months I have to hit the Dollar Menu for a single item plus tax (I am not even kidding about this). So really no one is breaking a nail writing out my single-digit check every month. I wouldn’t know what to do if I relied on that money for a bill, if I had hundreds of dollars coming to me and I didn’t receive it. I would be devastated.

I think if you happen to love an EC author who is saying “please don’t stop buying my books.” Then maybe consider listening to that author’s opinion. They have their reasons, it doesn’t mean that they like what is going on.

On the flipside, I know there are EC authors who are asking their readers to stop buying their books, if that is the case and this is an author you love then listen to them. They have their reasons too.

In the end it’s the authors who are losing out on this. It’s my opinion that everyone should just listen for a minute to the authors and what they want. They are the people who have worked their fingers to the bone writing these books. Those are the voices that should be heard instead of listening to A) the Publisher who has their hand out waiting for a sale and trashing their authors, or B) the bloggers who are calling on no one to ever buy from all EC authors ever again, which similarly doesn’t do the authors any good. Nothing is black and white, nothing is cut and dried.

I have seen some bloggers who have been kind enough to help some of the EC authors out by promoting their non-EC titles, to them I say, kudos to you! You found a way to support authors while sticking to your personal morals in regards to not giving money to a company you cannot support. However, not all authors have books with other publishers or self published. And if I had a perfect answer on how to show support to those people I’d be offering that up, but I don’t have a crystal ball and I can’t conjure answers out of thin air. (Well I do have a crystal ball, but it’s not giving me any answers)

Don’t get it twisted, I’m not being a fence sitter. I just think that every author is in a different place, personally and professionally. And for once, people (even the ones who say they are trying to champion for the authors) should actually listen to what each author wants and/or needs from their readers and from the writing community as a whole. Because there are a whole lot of variables here and everyone’s circumstances are different.

Am I asking readers to not buy my EC title? No, if you want to read it then buy it. Enjoy it. Because it is my hard work, not EC’s. I bled for it, I cried over it, I had anxiety and excitement for it. Regardless of who owns the rights, I wrote it, not them. If you don’t want to give your money to EC, that works for me too. Do what is comfortable for you. If you want to read my non EC book, Waking Up In Bedlam, feel free to pick that up at Amazon, Smashwords, iBooks, Barnes & Noble, or ARe. Share it, rate it, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. (It was my first book, ever).

I was going to keep promoting my EC book, but in light of everything: mostly the bad behavior I’ve witnessed on an unnamed blog, comments left on other blogs, and a mysterious Twitter account that reeks of something fishy going on, and the public backlash that ensued in my inbox when I posted an Amazon link to my book on my own FB page I have since removed all my scheduled posts for the month of October in regards to Twisted Revenge (one or two might have slipped past me). I am also doing this because my decisions affect my co-authors Alexandra Webb and Phoebe Chase who wrote books two and three in the Ever After series of which Twisted Revenge is book one of. So if I am out there promoting the book it could reflect poorly on them and until I know for sure how they wish to handle this situation I will wait on scheduling promos and events.

Bottom line is, this is a dog eat dog situation and the only dog I have in this fight is me. I still believe in my book, I support my fellow EC authors, all of them (whether they are still wanting sales or asking for people to stop buying their titles). And I hope, beyond hope, that this can be resolved quickly. But I think that no matter what, no one is coming out of this shit storm without some splatters on them. I am so sad to have lost my editor, to see the freelance editors and artists let go and who have not been paid for their services. Now these hardworking people have to go out and find a new job to support their families. This entire situation sucks for everyone all around.

That pretty much sums up my thoughts and feelings on this whole bad situation. Normally I’d say “Not my circus, not my monkeys.” But unfortunately this is my circus and these are my monkeys.

(Thank you to for finding my missing iBooks link!)